My love language

I was at lunch recently with a few colleagues and we started chatting about all of the books on our ever-growing “must read” lists. One of the books mentioned was The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman which sparked a lot of interesting conversation among the group about communication styles and what we needed from our partners, friends, and family.

After chatting with them, I decided to take the assessment to figure out what my primary love language was. There are five total: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Before I took the assessment, I had a pretty good inkling of what mine would be. And I was right!

My primary love language: quality time. I actually laughed out loud when I read the profile for this type of love language considering my post a few weeks back about feeling neglected and unimportant from a few key people in my life. Here it is:

Nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

My secondary love language: physical touch. And I’m not talking about intimacy in the bedroom here. I’m talking about hugging, holding hands, cuddling. It’s about needing a physical presence and accessibility to those I love, whether they are friends, family, or a date. Again, a no brainer for me.

I suppose I’m not so intrigued by the idea of the 5 love languages (they seem pretty straight-forward and common-sense to me) as I am about the realization that if you can understand the love language of those around you, you are better equipped to know how to communicate with them and reach them in the manner they respond to. Although, I do have to say I have dated a “words of affirmation” and “receiving gifts” person and in my experience have found them to be high maintenance and somewhat annoying, especially when it’s not in moderation but is a constant need. At the same time, I bet people would say that about people like me whose primary languages are quality time and physical touch – haha!

Why that’s so intriguing to me is because I think it’s a bunch of bologne! Really, if your love language is so incredibly different from the person you are dating, I almost feel like it’s a pretty good indication of some deeper rooted differences between the two of you (case in point above). When I think about those I am closest to almost all of them fall into quality time, physical touch, or acts of service. Sure, I’ve had people in my life who fall into the other two categories, but they also weren’t lasting relationships (or if they are currently in my life, they’re not a very integral part of it).

What do you think? Agree or disagree?


1 Comment

Filed under books, love, relationships

One response to “My love language

  1. Dina schultz

    Agree. I realize we are very similar. I am about the same things.

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