Bittersweet days

This weekend has been a bittersweet one. It’s been filled with an abundance of love and joy but also a bit of sadness too.

Friday night I threw a small surprise going away party for my Mom who moved to Wisconsin this weekend to start a new job and chapter of her life. Additionally, my Dad will officially retire on September 30. He’ll be moving up to join my Mom after that. For those who are well familiar with the trials and health issues our family has faced over the last three years, it finally feels like it has come to an official end. Dad is once again healthy and enjoying life. Mom is back on her feet and diving into work. It’s a fresh new start for everyone and while I’ll definitely miss having them just around the corner, I am so excited for them. It’s even got me thinking about where I’ll end up a few years from now once I finish grad school. You never know!

I also got to watch my sweet nephew, Knox, overnight Friday night. I was somewhat worried how Miley would do since she’s never been around a baby before but I was so proud of her. She acted like such a big sister and sat by him the whole time. They played together in the morning and the cutest thing ever to watch is Knox grabbing Miley’s face and rubbing his in her fur – it made my heart melt.

I did have a revelation watching him overnight though. While Knox is probably the easiest going baby I’ve ever been around, I realized how un-ready I am to have a baby at this point in my life. At times, when I see people my age married and with kids, I will look at them and think, “I wish I had that too.” I guess the good thing about borrowing kids is you see how even though you may want that someday, maybe now isn’t the right time for it. I suppose I’m still at that stage in my life where I’m selfish with my free time and things I want to do that having a dog is strapping enough. My big revelation: I’m really not jealous of my married friends with kids. I’m happy for them but I enjoy being the aunt. I don’t want to be the Mom – yet.

Saturday evening Liz and her sister came over for dinner. I botched a turkey burger/pineapple recipe which taught me that I should actually look up recipes instead of throwing stuff together. I was probably missing a binder ingredient of some sort because the burgers fell apart and in fact, they just tasted really gross. Nobody ate it. On the bright side, though, I did fill up on home-made salsa and pasta salad. Both were delicious and lucky for me Liz left the containers here so it also serves as my Sunday snack.

After my rendezvous with Liz and Andrea, I met up with another friend. My night turned sour fast and I was reminded just how brutally mean girls can be. I am forgiving and loving, sometimes to a fault. For the first time in a really long time I cried myself to sleep. Normally I take my Dad’s advice and allow a pity party for one day but I woke up this morning really not wanting to let myself dwell on something I can’t change or have control over. Instead, I’m going to use today and make the time to treat myself. I went on a long hike with Miley this morning on the MKT trail, I have a spa day booked this afternoon, and I’ll be spending my evening with family at a BBQ.

I have always loved the zen saying the journey is the reward and today I’m having to remind myself to keep that in perspective. Everything happens for a reason even if you may not understand why right now.

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Filed under family, friends, perspective, self-awareness, unhappiness

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